Monday, September 26, 2011

fade to black...

Day 11:  Something Fun

I know I'm suppose to post a photo of something fun.  I don't want to.  Well, to be fair, I'd love to do that.  I just don't think I've got it in me.  I can put on my happy face like I do other days.  I can pretend life doesn't have me depressed and sad.  Or I can get real for a second and just say, I lost my joy.

Somewhere along the way I stopped laughing and having fun.  I stopped finding the joy in the details.  The stress of every day, of feeling like the only responsible adult has paid a toll on my outlook.  Honestly, I've never been what you'd call an optimist.  So maybe to the world looking in, I'm much the same as I was before I started feeling this way.  But I don't feel the same.  At all.

I don't have any energy and I find myself quick to anger.  Instead of taking a deep breath and tackling issues from a different angle, I blow my top and start yelling (at anyone in my path).   I have to drag myself out of the bed in the morning.  I use to laugh at something my kids said everyday, not so much these days.  Don't even get me started on how my relationship with J has degraded.  I feel beaten down and broken.

The complete antithesis of fun.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss